all, or nothing at all

Dear K-

Your letter found its way into my postbox about six days ago, and I haven’t been able to set myself to its response until now. Of course I’ve been writing…it has kept me up well into the early hours of the morning, when the birds are just beginning to sing in their sleep. I’ve written pages upon pages about absolutely nothing at all, and yet I still couldn’t put the pen to the paper and find the words to respond to you. It isn’t the first time I have suffered with the inability to communicate.

I went out last night to try to socialize. I suppose I should be celebrating the commencement of my studies, anyhow. It was one of those house parties where I had to consume five beers before even entering to have any hopes of enjoying myself. And so the night was long…and fueled by liquid courage I tried to talk to her again. I know in our last correspondence you told me to forget about her, that she was not good enough for me. Is that really what you were trying to say? It’d be more accurate to say she was out of my league, and that I should focus on something that suited me better. But what can I say? I am a reasonably charming guy capable of interesting conversation; I’m cuddly and sensitive…I would give her the world. You know I would. Anything she could want, I’d try my best to facilitate. But then perhaps it wouldn’t be love…I would be simply a coordinator to her whims. But I would still subject myself to this, if she would only reward me every so often with the affection and care of a gentle young lover.

You need to come back. Everyone here agrees. Don’t think these letters are going to act as some sort of compromise…I know you have your reasons for wanting to stay, but don’t be so goddamn selfish.

Write me again.
-K