Screaming madly east.

Dear K,

So, now it is Fall, and I've taken up running again, and I've also been looking back on everything I wrote to friends and family in the last year, because I keep a copy for myself. I've been so obsessed with myself. Really it has been disgusting.

But I guess it is only natural because I haven't had anyone telling me what I'm going to be doing five years from now, and I just realized that that has all ended. Now I know that I'm always going to remember this last year.

But I got a job, or anyway, now I'm living back in the town I grew up in. I've just realized that all those sappy sayings and movies and greeting cards about not being able to go home again really are true.

I just want to be clean. I want to live in an apartment in the sky, with white walls and a concrete floor. I want a shower with white tiles, and white towels hanging on the walls, and the sink in the kitchen and the counter-tops, everything is luminous and white, like some Scandinavian surgeon's dream. I want to go running through the streets in my appropriately anonymous work out attire. I want to shave every morning and wear a tie. I want to wear dress slacks and neat black oxford shoes, and my car will be clean and I'll have a briefcase and a stainless steel thermos.

And then a year from now I'll go screaming madly east, and jump into the hordes on the ocean shore and disappear forever in my youth.

What?
-K