This Would Break My Parents' Hearts

Dear K,

I was at dinner with my parents tonight, they were catching up with some old friends they hadn't seen in a decade. For the better part of an hour we talked about my sister. About what she was doing, when she is getting married, how proud they are of everything she's done. It kept going on and on until it was painfully obvious to everyone that they hadn't said a single word about me.

They said, "Oh but we're really proud of our son too. Go on tell them what you've done." Then I had to tell these strangers about the things I'm doing with my life. It was really obvious that I wasn't proud of anything I'd done. There was uncomfortable silence.

Then we changed the topic.

I wondered if they remembered the time they forgot me in Texas at a restaurant. Or if they remembered all the birthday presents they never got around to ordering. I wondered if they remembered all the swim meets they missed, and all the school plays where I gave my lines to an auditorium full of other people's parents.

But those were useless ugly petty thoughts. All of those things were accidents. They didn't mean any of that, but does that really matter?

I don't know if I want to have kids, it seems too dangerous.

K