what was our love worth if it was something we could gamble

dear k-

sometimes we fall out of sync with the momentum visualized in our mind. hopefully by now you've found your breath and managed to slip back into the appropriate current. if not, then i wish you a thorough if not speedy recovery.

i'm still killing days, walking around the city on a pendulum between satisfying productivity and crippling loneliness. some days come easier than others, but the slew of mixed signals and doubt do nothing to ease the passing of the hours. i don't like to analyze excerpts of speech and rerun conversations in my head, but if i'm given contradictory sentiments that leave me doubting my interpretations then i really don't have a choice. it's painful and humiliating and it's a shame.

in a month i'll be moving to a new apartment. i'm living alone next year. in all honesty i am actually very excited about the prospect, although i fear that if i am given too much time living by myself i am only going to make myself miserable. i want to go out in this city and make new friends. i want to create a social network independent of my studies. but you know that such interactions do not come with ease to me, and so i will most likely remain hovering on my fire escape and listening to the summer sounds of the city.

try to feel better, friend. hopefully you will be your irksome, perpetually merry self in no time.

what was it worth,
-k