Not Dark But Light, Not Flies But Fires Soaring towards the heavens like love from our hearts

Dear K,

I was rusted into my armor. I got stuck in there, the damn thing rusted shut. Please accept this as my excuse for not writing back.

Oh my darling. So much has befallen you. I wish I could swoop down upon you and scoop you up in my arms. I wish I had been there for you. I wish you could have cried warm wet tears into my shirt while you apologized for getting your tears and snot all over my shirt. I wish I could have brushed your hair back and held you closer until you were all cried out. I wish then that I could have made you a chocolate shake with hot fudge and drawn you a hot bath with a big comfy robe. I wish that you would wake up every morning to joy and light and happiness.

I wish that you didn't feel trapped by everyday life. I know the feeling. My dove we are two birds sitting in cages states and states away singing to each other songs from our youth. Sad sweet songs that smell like the last blooms of a tree on a cold day in May.

I wish I could arrange for a band to play and sing your name. A big marching band, in uniforms, red with tasseled epalets, a hundred youth or more, singing at the top of their throats, singing glory glory glory, marching down a green field, shouting your name.

Although you'd hate that. I know you'd hate that. In fact I can't think of anything you would hate more.

So instead I'll arrange for a man to come from Eastern Europe. To whisper his love for you in your ear with his exotic tongue, even the word Goulash would sound seductive as dark chocolate and bitter black tea and annis flavored liquors coming screaming like lighting out of green glass bottles and sidewalk cafes and sharp short winds in winter and warm mulled wine and all the things of those smoky mysterious hills the hapsburgs used to claim.

But really I just want to tell you that I'm so proud of you. I know what you have been going through, and I'm so very proud of you. You have had a hard year, and it's not even half over, but you're strong, you're still standing, and you're in my thoughts and in my heart.

God Bless You And Keep You And Make His Face Shine Upon You,

K