Continuity Of Self

Dear K,

That is the way I have always been. I've never felt a continuity of identity. I'm not the same person I was yesterday or a couple of hours ago. I wake up several times each week wondering who I am and have to spend the first hour or two of my day reminding myself of my name and how that person acts. My mornings are filled with panic when ever I'm interacting with someone I think I know, after every action I ask myself "Is that something that 'I' would do?"

It is like waking up without a mask, only to find out that the face underneath is blank and featureless.

I am constantly amazed by the assertion of identity by others, because mine is actually so frail and thin. I have journals filled with things I've done and the way I felt about them at that moment, and all of it is useless when I wake up.

I think my greatest fear is that I'll wake up one day and not be able to know who I am ever again.

I want to look forward to your warm linoleum floors.

Waiting,
K