Dear K,

Are these even ourselves up here? I can't be all of myself at one time, I am too many contradictions. I pull myself apart. I'm writing something now. It is about the search for redemption, but why does that matter in the end? If god doesn't exist then we're all just corpses in the ground, and if Jesus was right then we're already forgiven by the time we die. Why is it important to redeem yourself?

What have I done. Where am I going. Why am I anywhere.

I read your latest letter, and it was so beautiful. My eyes watered as I read it and I held my breath, and then I read the poems you wrote down for me out loud to my empty apartment. I don't think I pronounced everything right, but it was beautiful anyway.

I'm going to buy some envelopes and stamps. I'll start physically sending things to you.

If we're in a play who is the audience and who is the author? Do you believe in reincarnation? Of course not, it is a very silly notion. How about this, instead of reincarnation there are great cycles that run through all things. There are even cycles of types of people, we're all variations on a theme. I think I might be a variation on Edgar Allen Poe.

If you do believe in reincarnation, then you'll understand that I am ready for nirvana.

How long until I can escape?
I feel trapped at every turn.

-K