honey and bile

Dear K-

I am in love. Just when my world felt like it was going to shatter at my feet, he was there. He came in with a quiet voice and unchecked grin. When he told me he loved me, his lips were trembling. All alone, in a private room in the back of a restaurant, assorted wine bottles crowding the table before us…a lesson in wine-tasting turned into thoughtful discussion.

This is how it all began- innocent, unthreatening conversations about anything and everything. We would sip wine and talk until the sun begged to break the day. I told him things I had never told anyone. I do not know why- it just felt right to be honest. It felt like he would understand.

And he did understand…probably all too well. I didn’t mean to pull him away; I didn’t mean to cause a stir. But our hearts were buzzing along in harmony and it could not be ignored. He was reserved, almost monk-like in his devotion. He swore he’d never touch me unless I gave him permission, no matter how much he longed to hold my hand or kiss my cheek. But the attraction was not physical…it was intensely emotional, feeling like he was forged from the same earth from which I arose. It was unspeakable, indescribable…and we both were surprised.

So now my heart is afloat- the happiest one. Our newfound connection has not been without hurdles…and I know that it is hard for others to understand or accept it. I have been called a homewrecker. I have been called a whore. I have been told my heart is fickle and cruel.

But I can’t help what I feel…maybe I am selfish. But I am absolutely, completely, embarrassingly in love with him. What am I to do? I have never felt this way before.

Words fail me,
-K