Hello Blue Mondays

Dear K,

I know we talked on the phone tonight. That doesn't mean I can't write you a letter. Somedays the whole world seems against a body. I guess my biggest problem isn't that I'm poor or lonely, but that I'm worried that if I die I will not have done anything with my life. I'll just be one more candle snuffed out. I guess this is my big worry over all. I ask myself a question a lot. That question is "what do you need to do to be ok with being dead?" It's a tough question to answer. I hope I know the answer to that question before I die.

I think about dying a lot. Do other people think about dying as much as I do? How often do you think about death? I know you had a close brush with it a while back.

Do you think there's an afterlife?

I kind of don't.

I don't think its nothingness either.

I don't really know what comes next. I know that we only get a few years here, and sometimes those years are brutal, and sometimes they're sweet.

I hope I meet somebody someday. It would be awful to die alone. I'd like to make somebody happy for a lot of years, and then make them sad when I die.

I'm just in a funk. I'll come around the bend I know I will. Don't worry about me. I just need to be morose for a while. I've got let all this bile out. As the Russians say, I've got to spleen. I should go for a run.

Ugh,

K